Being in a relationship can be very exciting. However, whether you are newly dating, or have been with someone for years, maintaining boundaries is crucial in sustaining a healthy relationship.
Boundaries ultimately allow for you to define what you are comfortable with, sharing what is important to you. Understanding our own boundaries can help in expressing when we are not comfortable with another person's actions.*
Relationships can sometimes cloud our values and judgment. We may get so fixated on wanting to please who we are with, that along the way we forget about our own beliefs. Knowing the boundaries of those you are with can help us to be respectful of their choices and values.*
Take a moment and reflect on your own relationship. Do you feel:
Safe
Understood
Respected
Valued
Heard
Appreciated
If these are not a few words that come to mind when thinking about your own relationship, it might be time for some healthy changes to be made.
Is it a Change for the Better, or Worse?
There may be a time(s) when a shift happens in your relationship, resulting in some sort of change. Maybe someone is wanting to move in together, or perhaps someone is wanting to progress things physically. Maybe you just found out you are pregnant, and your partner and you want different outcomes.
It is okay to disagree, but it is not okay when someone pressures you into changing your own values to benefit themselves.
It might be a good idea to take a step back and analyze the change, ensuring that this difference is not crossing any of your boundaries. Recognizing when our emotional boundaries have been crossed can be a little more challenging.* An indicator that they have been crossed might be if we are justifying the poor behavior of who we are with, resulting in our being swayed to conform to what the other person wants.*
February can be an exciting time for those wanting to celebrate their relationship. But it can also be a great time to reflect and see if your boundaries are being met.
If your relationship is being challenged by an unexpected pregnancy we are happy to talk with you and give you both a space to share your feelings and get information. Contact us to book a confidential appointment.
Source: Got Boundaries: Why, how, and when to use them (2019) https://www.heretohelp.bc.ca/visions/supporting-adult-children-vol15/got-boundries
By: Hannah Coates, Community Program Manager & Admin