There can be so many things that fill up your thoughts when you find out that you are unexpectedly pregnant. It can be a struggle to process through the endless scenarios, even when this unexpected news comes within a healthy relationship. But what about those times when pregnancy comes in the middle of a less-than-ideal relationship?
It may be difficult to narrow down what exactly is not right about the relationship with your partner, but sometimes it may be due to hidden factors of domestic abuse. 1 in 3 women in Canada experience some form of domestic abuse and 16% of pregnant women are victims of some form of violence.¹ This may seem like a big label to place on a relationship that isn’t characterized by any physical abuse, but abuse can be hidden in many different forms.
Studies have shown that domestic abuse increases by 2.5% during pregnancy, so it is important to be aware of what characterizes an abusive relationship.² Physical and sexual abuse seem to be the most well-known forms of abuse, but here are some other forms of abuse that you may be unknowingly experiencing:
Coercion
This may come in the form of making or even carrying out threats. (ie. threats to hurt you, to leave, to commit suicide, or to report you to Children’s Aid Services) ³
Intimidation
The abuser may use looks, actions or gestures to make you feel afraid. (ie. smashing things, destroy your property, abuse pets, or display weapons) ³
Emotional Abuse
When the abuser uses comments or speaks in a way that is utilized to put down, play mind games, humiliate or make you feel crazy or guilty. This may be written or verbal. ³
Isolation
The abuser tries to control all outside involvement. (ie, who you can see, what you can do, who you can talk to, what you can read, where you can go) Often jealousy will ne used as justification. ³
Minimizing, Denying, & Blaming
Abusers will attempt to make light of the abuse, shift the responsibility for abusive behaviour (ie. May say you caused it), or flat out deny that the abuse ever happened. ³
Male Privilege
Abusers will want to be the one who defines male and female roles in the home by acting as the “master” and treating the woman as a “servant” and make all of the big household decisions without allowing the input of others.³
Economic Abuse
In this form of abuse, women may not be permitted to get or keep a job, they may not be permitted access to the family income, force her to ask permission to use the family money, or he may even take money from the woman.³
If any of these scenarios sound familiar to your current relationship, we would love to be able to help support you and connect you with other services that can help. If you would like to talk to someone at our Centre about a possibly abusive relationship, please click here to book an appointment with one of our support staff.
Here are some other resources available to women in abusive relationships in the Kingston area:
Elizabeth Fry society
127 Charles Street, Kingston, ON
Telephone: 613-544-1744
Toll Free: 1-888-560-3379
Email: info@efrykingston.ca
Interval House
Crisis Line: (613) 546-1777 or 1(800) 267-9445
Office: 613-546-1833
Email: info@kingstonintervalhouse.com
Lily’s Place
Telephone: 613-542-6672
Email: info@kingstonhomebase.ca
Assaulted Women’s Help Line
A crisis line for assaulted women across Ontario with simultaneous translation in 150 languages.
1-866-863-0511
Victim Support Line
Provides victims of crime with information and referral to local services.
1-888-579-2888
By: Carling, RN ~ Prenatal Educator
References:
¹ Best Start Resource Centre. (2015). Abuse in pregnancy: Information and strategies for the prenatal educator. Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
² Finnbogadóttir, H., Dykes, AK. Increasing prevalence and incidence of domestic violence during the pregnancy and one and a half year postpartum, as well as risk factors: -a longitudinal cohort study in Southern Sweden. BMC Pregnancy Childbirth 16, 327 (2016).
³Domestic Abuse Intervention Project (2017). Power and Control Wheel. Retrieved from https://www.theduluthmodel.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/PowerandControl.pdf on December 8, 2022.